Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
FUCK WHALES
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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