Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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