we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
