Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
worst night to have a conscience
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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