I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
