I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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