i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
