does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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