Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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