I think i peed on brittanys purse
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
