I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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