sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
