the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you inspire me to be a worse person
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
