I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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