I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
