Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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