I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize