Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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