I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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