I love how my cats smell like pot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
