Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
