Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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