so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
