1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
