If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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