Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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