it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
