you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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