i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
