I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
