i just wanna soil my oats bro
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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