I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
do herpes really smell.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
