i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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