what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
