how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
