oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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