Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize