I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
