he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
