Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
