good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
