I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
