I feel like abortions should bother me more
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
