Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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