he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
