Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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