My Higher Power is John Stamos
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
