Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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