Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
