All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
