We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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