We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
