i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
