So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
