I will die if light touches me.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
