Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Randomize
