his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
