it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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