So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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