Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
