she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
