Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
