she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didn't notice because vodka
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
